Give yourselves a chance to be heroes

You might have heard these famous words spoken by Rafa Benitez to his Liverpool team at half time of the 2005 Champions League final even if you’re not a Liverpool (or football/soccer) fan. If you’re not familiar with the story, Liverpool were trailing Inter 0:3 after the first 45 minutes, but, incredibly, scored 3 in the second half and ended up winning the game and the title after the penalty shoot-out. “The Miracle of Istanbul”. This post is not about this match or Liverpool or Rafa or even football, though. It’s quite mundanely about me and my story of becoming a 5k+ runner out of nothing. Within the space of a few months.

Actually, the blog post was going to be about something else. But then I realized that running might be the most relevant message I have to share right now. You see, I always wanted to be a runner. Not to be fit or healthy or active. Well, that too, but I just feel that it’s just a great way for being alone with yourself, hearing yourself out and organizing things in your head. You don’t really get to do this, do you? Anyway, I always wanted to run and I never could. Never. No matter how fit or unfit I’ve been, as a child, as a teenager, in my twenties… I could walk endlessly at a decent pace, I could bike, but when it came to running 1k or more… no way.

So, when I got myself a pair of running shoes this summer and downloaded 5k Runner, I was 100% prepared to fail. 5k Runner introduces you to a very basic interval training. On the first day, you have to run for 1 minute 6 times with 1.5-minute walking breaks in between. I wasn’t sure if I could do it when I stepped out of my house on July 11^th this year. Over the next few weeks, there were quite a few other moments when I simply did not know if I could. On the 31^st of August, though, I ran my first 5k. I’m in the middle of the 10k Runner programme now. I’ll let you know how it goes.

I need to give credit to the app, which I found very well put together. More than anything and more than ever before, though, I believe that success comes from your head. I found the perfect balance of being determined to succeed and being prepared to accept failure. Every time I stepped on the track, I told myself I would do as much as I could and it would be okay if I couldn’t complete the programme. The latter gives you the freedom to quit without being too disappointed in yourself. The key is, you really have to give your best. Do not quit because you’re a bit tired or something hurts or – worst of all – because you are sure you won’t be able to finish. Quit when you simply cannot take another step. And the, if you can, give it another shot after a while. Give yourself a chance, every chance.

A lovely little detail of 5k Runner are the daily doses of inspiration and motivation that it gives you. Aren’t you glad you decided to change your life? You are much stronger today than you were only a month ago. Tremendous happiness comes from achieving your goal! Call it tacky, if you like, but it’s actually all true. And it’s not even about running or sports. It’s about deciding to do something you want to do and doing it. Step-by-step. Trying, at least. What do you have to lose? Unless you push yourself too hard or set truly unrealistic goals, you are guaranteed to feel better about yourself, just because you tried your best.

If I can run, you can do... well, not anything, but many things. Believe in yourself. Give it a shot. Give yourself a chance to be your own hero.

Goodbye, lover!

In about a week, I will be leaving London indefinitely. It’s a conscious choice I’ve made myself to pursue other dreams, which is why I doubt it every single day. I do love London. Strangely and unexpectedly, it was love at first sight. I don’t know what I expected, but it was green and busy and beautiful… There was just something about it. I don’t know… How do you explain falling in love? Anyway, it’s been quite a ride we’ve had together. I can’t say I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, but I surely don’t regret any of it and I’d do it all again. Yet, I think London – older and wiser than I’ll ever be – always knew it wouldn’t last. And, in the last few months, I’ve come to realize it may be right.

So I’ve done my best to make my potentially last prolonged stint in London worthwhile. I’ve been to most of my favourite places and tried to visit as many of those not yet seen as possible. Funnily, in my head, I’m still a Londoner. When I step aside in the National Gallery to let a tourist take a selfie with a Monet (what for??), because I can always come back. When I see an advert of a new store to be opened in Regent St and think, oh, cool, I’ll come check it out when they open. When I think of going back to Hampstead Heath and Kenwood House next weekend, if the weather’s good… Oh, I won’t be here… I’m slowly becoming to realize that I might never get to see Severndroog Castle, which, if you didn’t know, isn’t actually a castle at all. Or the Chelsea Psychic Garden… And there will be a day when I’ll see Bloomsbury and Primrose Hill and the Cut and South Bank and… possibly for the last time. I wonder when it’ll actually hit me and how hard? But then, I’m leaving by choice and I hope I’ll get to choose to come back…

Before I leave, though, I’ll need to entertain some visitors. And I’m already getting concerned, well, panicked, because I always want my friends and family to love London as much as I have and quite a few of them just don’t see it. Where do I take a person who doesn’t really want to do any of the things I usually do myself – visit museums, walk, observe? Or, actually, how to I make someone fall in love with something I love, if I can’t quite put a finger on it myself? So, a few days ago, I was strolling in central London contemplating just that and took a seat in the most cliché of all tourist attractions anywhere in the world – Trafalgar Square. On the steps leading up to the National Gallery, the lions, Nelson and Big Ben in front of me. And suddenly it came to me. At least some of it. The scene in front of me was London in a nutshell. Like these pictures they sometimes have in children’s books, where there is too many elements together in one picture and it doesn’t really make sense unless you know the whole story. This is London. There is always too many elements in one picture. Historic buildings, famous landmarks, red double-deckers, police cars, the lions and pigeons, street performers and vendors, people, masses of all sorts of people, always and anywhere an airplane in the sky… you name it, it’s there. London is a constant sensory overload, you don’t need to go somewhere to see something exciting, different, something you hadn’t noticed before. It hits you in the face, every step you take. I also realised something else. It is indeed about how we perceive the world. What I see as infectious, intoxicating LIFE, which makes you feel alive as well, is simply too much noise, too many people, too much to process for someone else. What I love about London, they hate. They can’t help it. And I certainly can’t.

So, I was sitting there in Trafalgar Square in not quite warm April sunshine, it was a beautiful day and, for a blink, I kind of wished this moment could last forever and I would never need anything else. Alone in a foreign country, single, childless, at crossroads… none of it mattered. What is love? What makes you happy? Even if it doesn’t always love you back…

How will I ever explain this to my visitors? I won’t. I’ll show them what I see and they’ll see something else. Hopefully, they’ll find it worth their while. The real question is, though, how will I ever say goodbye to London? Or perhaps I won’t have to. It will always live in my heart. And believe it or not I will cherish the memories of endless bus rides, soaking wet and with a splitting headache, wishing I was there, but not quite wanting to arrive as much as the one of this moment of truth in Trafalgar Square. Thank you for everything, London, you have made me feel alive.

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Has this world been so kind to you that you should leave with regret? There are better things ahead than any we leave behind. – C.S. Lewis